Melody Starr Alexander

December 23, 2004 is a day I will NEVER forget.  In all the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season I hadn't thought about my period but for some reason when we got home that night I went, got my calendar, sat on the couch and said OMG, SONNY!  My period is 3 days late (and I am very predictable and average in that department, 28 day cycle and all) so I'm like you GOTTA go get a pregnancy test.  We were both cautious because he and I had been together having unprotected sex for almost 11 months and had suffered 2 miscarriages.  So off to Wal-Mart he went.  He brought back not 1 but TWO EPT tests.  I took the first one at 3:30 am and it was immediately positive. Sonny and I were overjoyed.  We went to my mom's sister's (my aunt) house on Christmas Day for a huge family get together and dinner.  Only Sonny I knew that I was pregnant and I was ready to burst from keeping the exciting news in.  My younger brother, Dallas and I were standing on the back porch and I told him "I've got a secret and have to tell somebody so bend down here (I'm 5' 2", he's about 5' 11").  So he does and I tell him "You're gonna be an uncle again!" He kinda looks at me strange and is like "Really, you're pregnant?"  And I'm like "YES but don't tell anyone" (I knew he wouldn't).  I wanted to tell my mom so badly right then but she had just been diagnosed with "Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the Cervix with Metastasis"--Fancy words for cervical cancer that has spread to other places.  This happened October 1, 2004.  She was just 47 yrs old, scared and had lost weight. I didn't want her worrying or fussing over me by her knowing I was pregnant just yet, so I postponed telling her until later.

So, Sonny and I were praying really hard for a little girl.  My older brother had 4 boys already, I had 2 boys from a previous marriage and Sonny had a son from a previous marriage, it was time for a girl in both our families darn it!  The last female child that was born in my family (before Melody) was just over 20 years ago and it had been just over 50 years in Sonny's family.

Sonny's dad had a heart attack on December 28th (he was 68 yrs old then) and had to have major open heart surgery with SEVEN bypasses.  He came through the surgery very well. I REALLY wanted to let him know he was gonna be a pappy again, just in case. Sonny didn't think it was the right time (when we went down to visit him).  So I had told my mom (she told my dad and the rest of the family) Sonny told his ex-wife and we told all the kids.  They took it really well (considering that we had already blended my two boys with his son, his ex had blended their son with her new man's 2 sons and 1 daughter and my ex had blended our two boys with his new girlfriend's 3 daughters).

Today was my first OB/GYN appointment.  They took blood, did a pelvic exam, and a quick ultrasound to see about growth/due date.  Melody was growing well, measuring just as she should and my due date was set for August 30, 2005 (the day after mine and the day before my older brothers, LOL)

I admit I was miserable during my pregnancy with Miss Melody.  The first trimester was marked with countless trips to the doctor and Emergency Room because of vaginal bleeding.  Everything always looked good and she was growing beautifully.

Mom was doing well on the chemo but the doctors weren't very optimistic about  how much longer we would have with her.  I prayed and prayed for God to heal my precious mom, my best friend and for her to be able to be there for the birth of the child I was pregnant with as she had my two boys. God had much bigger plans in store for us!

The second trimester with Melody was better than the first but she was STUBBORN.  I live an hour and a half away from my hometown but my mom (who hurt a lot and was doing chemo by this time) came down to be with me for the 20 week ultrasound.  She had been with me for every one of my children's 20 week/gender ultrasounds and this one would be no different.  My appointment was at 2:30.  I loved my OB/GYN and he tried with all his might to get Melody to move around so that he could see if she was a boy or a girl.  He shook my belly, shocked my belly, all kinds of stuff but that girl was STUBBORN.  She was not opening those legs for us to see.  We were totally disappointed but it was kinda cool to think of it being a surprise.

MOTHER'S DAY!  We went to mom's to see her and took her cards and let her spend some time with the kids.  I was nearing my third trimester, our air conditioning wasn't working properly and we were coming up on the major heat of the summer.  I was not looking forward to the prospect of being very pregnant without air conditioning.

MY THIRD TRIMESTER! As I said before, I totally loved my OB/GYN (Dr. Scott Matson).  I went in for my 28 week appointment and 1 hour glucose test and he decided to see if he could tell what Melody was that day.  I got a SURPRISE ultrasound.  She looked wonderful and was growing great, but was still stubborn like her daddy so we still didn't know if she was a boy or a girl.  Melody sure did a number on my back though.  I was seeing a chiropractor, helped only a little and she would NOT keep her little toes out of my ribs!  I was more miserable during this last trimester than any of them.

Almost 31 weeks pregnant, it's hot and miserable here and this is my Melody belly just before I walk out the door to play in the pool with the other kiddos!

This is the last belly picture I have of me (almost 32 weeks) before Melody made her untimely entrance into this world!

Two days before Melody unexpectedly came into our world.  I was feeling really yucky that day and was just lying around in bed.  Little did I know this would be the last picture taken of me during my pregnancy with Melody. My dad's birthday is July 22 so I was trying to rest up so I could make the hour and a half drive to see him and for him to see the kids.

I woke up around 6 am and had to pee, so I went to the bathroom then laid back down but it felt like I had/was peeing on myself.  I knew immediately my water had broken.  I woke Sonny and he was grumpy.  I said "My water broke! You gotta get me to the hospital NOW!" (My two boys were born quickly once my water broke so I didn't expect her to stay in for much longer since my water broke at HOME) 

I was 33 wks and 6 days pregnant, my baby wasn't due for another month and I was scared (I'd never had a preemie). 

6:45 am-Arrived at the hospital, explained the situation and said I know this baby is coming quick I want my epidural NOW!  So they call Dr. Matson.  Get all kinds of background information from me, put an IV in, started pushing fluids and magnesium to try to slow down or stop the labor. 

7:15 am-Dr. Matson comes in and tells me that they can't keep me.  You have to be at least 34 weeks before they can because they don't have an NICU.  I was so disappointed that he wouldn't be delivering my baby.  He said they were sending me to Knoxville, TN (an hour and a half west of here).  I asked if I could go to Johnson City, TN instead as that is my hometown and where my mom and family were at.  Dr. Matson said that would be fine because it's the same amount of time/distance either way and Johnson City Medical Center Hospital has a better NICU. 

7:30 am-Sonny and his dad left to head to Johnson City to get me registered and so they would be prepared for my coming.

8:00 am-Loaded into the ambulance for the ride to Johnson City.  Just as we were leaving I borrowed the paramedics cell phone (Sonny had mine with him), I called mom and said "Get ready, you are going to get to meet your newest grand baby soon!"  She asked me "What? and Why?.  I said "my water broke and they can't keep me here so I'm coming to Johnson City Medical Center". I told her I loved her and off we went.  The paramedic in the back with me (Brian Lee) said he sure hoped that I knew what I was doing because I'd done it two more times than him and he'd never delivered a baby. 

The contractions were hard off and on for the entire ride.  Brian did a wonderful job of keeping my mind off of it, talking to me and stuff.  So we got to the hospital and the driver turned into the Emergency Room entrance all the while I'm in MAJOR pain and screaming at him "NO, they don't want me here, take me to the WOMEN'S CENTER on down the parking lot"  He didn't listen.  They took me into the ER.  The staff promptly told them what I already had, they didn't want me, they would have to take me to the Women's Center.  So the paramedics ask if they should run me from one end of the hospital (from ER to Womens Center) or put me back in the ambulance and drive me.  The staff recommended driving me.  They loaded me back up and just as the driver was about to shut the doors I said "I'm sorry but I've GOTTA push.  I can't NOT push anymore" So I pushed and lots of water and blood gushed so the driver asks the paramedic if they should take me back into the ER.  Brian's like "uhhh NO they aren't equipped to take care of her, are you deaf?  Just close the doors and drive."  And off we went across the parking lot.  I looked at poor Brian and said "I'm sorry but I have to push." And let out the biggest sound with that push that I'm sure the entire hospital heard and Melody was born into this world at 9:25 am on Saturday, July 23, 2005.  I fell back on to the stretcher.  I looked at Brian and said "uhh my baby's out, you gotta make it cry!"  He was in disbelief that I'd just delivered Melody in the ambulance in the parking lot of the hospital they were taking me to.  He was almost home free!  So he slapped on some gloves, lifted the sheet and started drying her and bundling her in a blanket.  I said " Is it a boy or a girl?"  He tells me that he is taking vitals etc to check her health, suctioning and hadn't looked yet.  Then he did....he looked at me and said "It's a GIRL!"  I was like OMG REALLY?!?!  I said "Are you sure?" He said "YES" I said "LOOK AGAIN!"  and he did and she was still a girl, my daughter, my love, my daughter that I would have a relationship with like my mom and I had.  He laid her on my chest and she was beautiful.  Then the doors swung open.  I was staring at about 5 doctors, 10 nurses and Sonny and his dad.  Sonny moved to the front once a doctor came in and I said "IT'S A GIRL!! WE HAVE A DAUGHTER!!"  He just beamed the biggest smile I'd ever seen.

9:27 am-That stupid doctor that I did not know was talking about cutting the cord and I said "no her daddy is cutting the cord!"  Doctor rambles about it needing to be done and him not being there and I screamed at the doctor "HE'S RIGHT THERE! NOW LET HIM  IN HERE TO CUT THE CORD!"  No more objections from her.

9:29 am-They take the stretcher out of the ambulance, someone takes Melody from me and puts her into an incubator and the NICU people run with her up to the NICU.  Sonny stayed with me.  I was taken to a room where I birthed the placenta, they put it in a see-through bucket and we got to look at it for hours.

I was just shocked and amazed.  I had birthed my first and only daughter (at the time) in an ambulance with basically no assistance, med-free and no real medical intervention.  I  wasn't allowed any pain meds in my IV or anything on the way there so the only medical intervention I had was the IV put in, fluids and the shot of magnesium given just as I was leaving here to try to fend off her birth until we got to Johnson City.  ALMOST MADE IT!  But I hear almost doesn't count.  :) 

We weren't allowed to see her for what seemed like forever so during this time Sonny and I went back and forth about the names we had been tossing around.  He really liked Starlite, Sunshine and Zelda (YUCK).  I was in love with Kalani, Skyla and Denae (pronounced Duh-nay).  We had talked about the name Melody also and we both liked it.  So Sonny came out with Starlite Melody and I said how about Melody Starr?  And it was like a light bulb over our heads.  We had our daughter's name.

Melody Starr Alexander, born July 23, 2005 at 9:25 am in the back of an ambulance in the Johnson City Medical Center Hospital's parking lot, weighed in at 4 lbs 7.7 oz and was 17 1/2 inches long.  She was tiny but perfect and looked just like her pappy and daddy.

This is Melody's very first picture.  Daddy took it up in the NICU before I was ever allowed to go up there.

Passed away on February 9, 2007 at the age of 1.

Friday February 9, 2007 was a very typical day for us starting out. I played with my daughters Alanna (6 mos at the time) and Melody (who is now forever 1 year 6 months and 17 days old) during the day. That afternoon I drove the usual 15 minutes or so with the girls to meet my ex-husband's wife to pick up my two boys Jarred (11 yrs then) and Landon (3 yrs old then). We drove back toward home, I stopped off at Dollar General to let the boys pick out a toy and then we came home. Sonny (Melody's daddy) and his little boy (Jake) showed up a bit later. We all ate dinner. Then it was bath time. I took Landon and Melody into the bathroom and started it up for them. Alanna, Jake and Jarred were in the living room each doing their own thing. I washed both Landon and Melody and Landon asked if they could have bubbles. I told him 'yes' and he wanted to pour the bubbles in so I opened them for him and let him do that. Then I turned on the jets long enough for them to bubble up the bubbles and turned them off. I sat with them for a few minutes watching them play etc and Sonny came in. At this point the baby (Alanna) started crying so I told Sonny "I'll be back in a few, gonna go check on Alanna'. He said ok and I walked into the living room. Jarred was at the computer, Jake was watching TV and Alanna was lying in the floor swatting up at the toys on her play gym. She wanted her bottle so I fed her and went into the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher. I was finishing up when I heard Sonny say "mommy?" so I said 'yes' and he replied "Landon wants you" to which I said "give me just a sec." I put a detergent tab in the dishwasher, closed and started it and then threw the detergent tab bag away because I had used the last one. I walked through the living room into the hallway and almost collided with Sonny coming out of the boys' bedroom with empty boxes he was going to take to the barn. He let me go on through and I continued into the bathroom. Landon was there standing up but Melody was nowhere to be seen so I said "Landon where is Sissy?" (And even tho the smart part of my brain knew that Sonny hadn't gotten Melody out I thought he might have since I didn't see her) Landon replied with 'right there' and point to his left at the bubbles/water and I just knew in my mommy heart in THAT very moment that my girl was gone. I couldn't see her because of the bubbles so I just reached my arms in and scooped her up into my arms. She was pale, blue around the lips, limp and lifeless. I laid her on the mat in front of the tub, ran into the hallway by the bathroom door and was SCREAMING..."OMG SONNY PLEASE COME HERE NOW!!!" and other stuff I don't remember. I do recall that he was there in an instant and screaming back at me 'WHAT'S WRONG WHAT IS IT" and I said "OMG IT'S MELODY!!!" He screamed at me to call 911 but I already had my cell phone (no land line) and was heading out the front door with it (because of some signal issues in the house...didn't want to possibly get disconnected). I sent my oldest boy, Jarred, to Sonny's dad's house next door. He was met at the door there by one of Sonny's brother's g/f, Alicia, who came running up here and started performing CPR immediately (Melody and Alanna were both preemies so I had taken CPR TWICE in the last 18 months and it seemed to completely escape my mind and fail me when I got Melody out of the bath). I went between calm and cool and hysterical with the 911 operator. She wanted to know if someone was performing CPR and I didn't know because I was outside so I walked back into the front door and through the house, looked into the bathroom and saw Alicia doing the CPR and went out the back door. I remember telling the operator I can hear them but I don't see their lights WHERE ARE THEY?!?! And of course she was trying to keep me calm but that wasn't working much. Then I recall telling her 'THEY ARE GETTING CLOSER I HEAR THEM REAL LOUD AND I CAN SEE THEIR LIGHTS!!!!" SO I ran down close to the road and just started jumping up and down waving and screaming "HERE PLEASE WE NEED YOU HERE WE ARE HERE!!!" So they saw me and got into the driveway and jumped out of vehicles and started running into the house. There was tons of people in the bathroom and in the hallway outside the bathroom (medical personnel). After a few minutes in there with her, Alicia and Sonny they carried Melody out and into the ambulance. They worked on her in the back of the ambulance for about 15 minutes, intubating her and IV lines in both arms etc. Sonny and I just stood outside the ambulance doors crying, praying and holding each other. OF course since she was a child they had to investigate the incident thoroughly so we were not allowed to go to the hospital at that point. I asked where they were taking her. They said Morristown-Hamblen. Even though my mommy heart already knew she was gone it was confirmed when they told me that because if there had been a fighting chance for her they would have had her flown about 30 (car) minutes away to the Children's Hospital in Knoxville. So we waited. No one was allowed to use the bathroom here....or go in there period of course. We had to answer lots of questions for the police. We were waiting on an investigator that was being really very slow. Melody was the first girl in both mine and Sonny's families in 20 or more years so she was totally spoiled. She would go spend every other weekend with my aunt and uncle (Rita & Randy) or my adult cousin and her husband (Tabby & Greg) in Johnson City (about 1 hr 15 minutes away). Well as soon as the ambulance left with Melody I called Tabby and I blurted "OMG Tabby I think she is dead!!!" And of course she wanted to know who and what and where they were taking her. So she and Greg started down this way and THEY made it to the hospital (that is only 15 minutes from where we live) before we ever did even though the hospital is 1 hr and 15 minutes from them! That is how long it took for the police to decide to let us go to the hospital and the only reason they did at that point was because Tabby had a paper signed by me and notarized saying that she could get care and information about Melody and sign for her treatment and such because Tabby loved to take Melody over to Asheville, NC to shop in the Mall over there, so when she got to the hospital they told her and Greg so Greg called me. I said "Is she gone?" Of course Greg said that they told him he could NOT tell me anything other than it wasn't good and that surely I could hear from the sound and shaking of his voice that it was REALLY BAD! I said "IS SHE GONE? YES OR NO?!?!" He said "Yes" and I dropped the phone and just screamed "NO, NOT MY GIRL!!!" Everyone was standing or sitting around me because I was on the living room couch. Alicia fell to the kitchen floor crying and Sonny fell to the LR floor crying. He was in bad shape so I calmed myself down and was walking to him to try to calm him down. I passed by a cop who said to me "Who called and told you? It was someone from the hospital?" I just looked him dead in the eyes and said "It doesn't matter" cuz Sonny & I deserved to know and the cops weren't telling us anything. So they let us go to the hospital. The head nurse and a member of clergy with the police dept came and talked with us in the prayer room at the hospital then we were allowed to go back to a room and see her. We couldn't touch her because they were sending her to Knoxville for an autopsy but we did get to see her. And we were surrounded by cops of course to make sure we didn't touch her or anything. Tabby, Sonny and I stood there hugging crying and praying. The investigator asked us to come the following Monday at 10 am to make our formal statements since he didn't get to get them that night. The forensics place called the next morning to say the autopsy was done (WOW REALLY FAST, we weren't expecting her body to be released until Monday) so we told them a funeral home and we went through the motions of planning her service and burying her. The Tennessee Department of Children's Services investigated Sonny as he was the last supervising adult and had left them alone. He wasn't allowed to be alone with any of the children until their investigation was complete.  The Sheriff's Department investigated also. They determined that Landon and Melody had been unsupervised for only 15 to 45 seconds and in that short time our hearts were shattered and our lives forever changed.

I found these poems and thought they were perfect for Sonny and me.

My Mom is a Survivor

My Mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night
when all others are in bed.

I watch her lay awake at night
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.

But like the sands on the beach
that never wash away....
I watch over my surviving Mom
who thinks of me each day.

She wears a smile for others...
a smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door
I see tears flowing from her eyes.

My Mom tries to cope with death;
To keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows
it is her way to survive.

As I watch over my surviving Mom
through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that angels
protect me forevermore!

I know that doesn't help her,
or ease the burden she bears.
So, if you get a chance, go visit her.
Show her that you care.

For no matter what she says...
no matter what she feels.
My surviving Mom has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.

My Dad is a Survivor

My dad is a survivor too
which is no surprise to me.
He's always been like a lighthouse
that helps you cross a stormy sea.

But, I walk with my dad each day
to lift him when he's down.
I wipe the tears he hides from others;
He cries when no one's around.

I watch him sit up late at night
with my picture in his hand.
He cries as he tries to grieve alone,
and wishes he could understand.

My dad is like a tower of strength.
He's the greatest of them all!
But, there are times when he needs to cry...
Please be there when he falls.

Hold his hand or pat his shoulder...
And tell him it's okay.
Be his strength when he's sad,
Help him mourn in his own way.

Now, as I watch over my precious dad
from the Heavens up above...
I'm so proud that he's a survivor...
And, I can still feel his love.